An Open Letter to Open Letters

Dear Open Letters,

Although you likely won’t read this since Open Letters are likely never read by their stated target, I’m writing it anyway because I’m actually just looking for a pedestal to shout from.  Not because I feel particularly strongly or that I think any actual change will result from this, but rather because it makes me feel good about myself to take zero risk while pretending to make a bold, public gesture.

This isn’t about you, Open Letters, this is about me.  You see, I need to feel important.  However, it’s hard work to actually be important.  I’d rather pen a pointless letter that takes an incredibly uncontroversial opinion but then write it as if it were aggressively brave.  Then I will unleash it on social media because social media asks the absolute minimum of others to show their support:  a movement of a finger by mere millimeters.  But this inane, inconsequential gesture is enough to stroke my ego, and maybe even those on the other end of the tapping fingers.  It validates that the trivial amount of effort was worth it and then I’ll sleep better knowing that I can say, “Well at least I raised awareness.”  SJW 101 stuff.

Consider what you actually are, Open Letters:  the world’s most efficient ego-stroking machine.  Just consider: if it only takes a person 5 minutes to read this, but it goes viral to 10M people, that’s 83,333 man hours.  That’s like 2,083 people working full time for a week, all for me.  And what did I have to do?  Spend 15 minutes at a keyboard.  So lest you think it’s about you and your content, Open Letters, be assured that it’s not.  You work for me.


A lazy blogger.

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